Your first time with a trans woman
Written by Julien Lenaz, lead developer of cruush.
She is a woman
A trans woman is a woman. If you are attracted to her, you are attracted to a woman, and a first time with her is a first time with a woman. Treat her that way before, during and after.
Start by listening
Use her name and her pronouns. If you are not sure what words she uses for her body, ask her, in private, and use her words. Do not guess, and do not use words she has told you she dislikes.
Do not assume
- Do not assume what she wants to do or what she does not want to do.
- Do not assume what her body is like, or that it matches a picture in your head.
- Ask what she likes, and let her tell you at her own pace.
Questions to skip
Do not ask about surgery, hormones, medical history or her old name. Those are personal, and she will tell you if she wants you to know.
Do not fetishize
Do not describe her as an experiment, a fantasy or a category. Do not say anything that treats her as a type. She is a person you are meeting.
Safety and discretion
Some trans women have been harassed or threatened, so she may be careful about where you meet and who knows. Respect her choices, meet somewhere public first if she prefers, and never share her photos or her identity.
Look after your health
Infection risk depends on what you do, not on anyone's gender. Condoms, gloves and dental dams lower the risk, and a clinician can advise you on testing and prevention.
Afterward
Check in and thank her. Keep it private unless she says otherwise.