Your first time with a nonbinary person
Written by Julien Lenaz, lead developer of cruush.
Nonbinary is not one thing
Nonbinary people describe themselves in many ways. Some use they/them, some use other pronouns, and some use more than one set. Ask, and use what they tell you.
Language for their body
Ask what words they like for their body, in private, and use those words. Do not assume, and do not use words they have said they do not like.
Do not assume what they want
- Do not assume a role, a position or a pattern from how they look.
- Ask what they like and what they do not.
- Check in as you go.
Questions to skip
Do not ask whether they are really a man or a woman underneath. Do not ask about medical history. If they want you to know something, they will tell you.
Look after your health
Infection risk depends on what you do, not on anyone's gender. Condoms, gloves and dental dams lower the risk, and a clinician can advise you on testing and prevention.
Afterward
Check in and thank them. Keep it private unless they say otherwise.