cruush

blog

← cruush blog

Why I built cruush and want people to own their technology

Written by Julien Lenaz, a queer trans man and founder of cruush.

Opening other apps as a trans man can feel like being a slab of meat thrown to the dogs. I’m mostly there for other trans people, and I prefer women. I receive rape threats within half an hour of opening cruising apps and leave feeling depressed and turned off. I can’t imagine how much unwanted attention femmes face. I have no problem with straight people using cruush; the issue is privacy from harassment and unwanted attention. In my view, the value of these communities comes from queer people’s bodies and participation. Platforms need us, and we deserve options that respect us. I built cruush because I was tired of opening a cruising app hoping to find someone and receiving rape threats instead. I was tired of being unable to stop cis men from seeing my profile when that was what I needed to feel safe.

I wanted connection, pleasure, and control over who could reach me. I kept finding myself in systems that made me feel exposed and disposable.

I was also tired of watching people in my community struggle with app designs that seemed to encourage compulsive checking and harmful patterns of behavior. Advertising presented as “taboo” could make dangerous behavior feel ordinary. I felt that our vulnerability was being used to keep us engaged, while we became the product being sold.

I wanted another option. I wanted us to be able to cruise virtually without needing straight people's permission.

That is why I made cruush.

I don’t need dark patterns to give cruush value. I believe I’m building a better human experience, and its value comes from the features and the community. I want people to return because they want to connect, not because the design pressures them to keep checking.

I won’t allow harmful “taboo” promotions or open drug markets on cruush. I don’t want the app to encourage behavior that harms people. I’m not interested in policing consensual DMs about drug use, and I don’t want anyone confronted with triggering content without their consent. Those values should shape how people experience the app.

In my view, weak moderation and designs that time advertisements or deals around repeated logins can turn our community’s vulnerability into revenue. I believe companies can end up profiting from queer people’s addictions, including companies controlled by people outside our community. I’m concerned about cruising platforms where promotions of animal sexual abuse, incest, or sex involving minors appear. Those are forms of content I want excluded. A service should help people connect, not make money from harm.

I want to make software that is actually worth your money. Helping people connect is a beautiful service. For cruush, that is what I want to earn money from, alongside original content and useful features. I want cruising to feel fun and magical. I want people to leave feeling good about themselves, with dignity and joy in queer sex.

I want cruush to be an app you feel cool being seen on. I fully support discreet users, and privacy should always be available. Being visible should be a choice, too. You don’t have to treat queer sex as dirty or hide it if you don’t want to.

I was inspired by queer parties at BASEMENT, where I saw couples of different genders and sexualities having sex under the same roof. I’ve seen that shared community work in real life. That experience convinced me that a cruising app could bring people together across genders and sexualities, too. I want to help create that feeling of belonging online.

To me, cruush needed camp to feel truly queer. That is why I wrote its lore: a parody of satanic ritual panic and superstition, reclaiming the harmful names and meanings attached to queer desire. I want to turn those labels into something playful, theatrical, and ours. The lore gives the Grimoire a world to grow inside.

I lead the branding and the app’s look, with commissioned custom logo and icon work and some visuals I drew myself in Figma. I want software that looks like a designer made it, with intention, personality, and magic. I refuse to make a boring-looking queer app.

Building in my own way

I’m Julien, the autistic tranny you knew had to be behind cruush and the founder of technosovereign, my independent creative technology studio in New York. I live with my gay cat in Brooklyn. I’m a real-life cyborg: three parts of my body have serial numbers. I’m also a hardcore DJ and producer, and I only listen to techno. I’m the only out trans man trade on the apps in New York City, at least that was the case the last time I checked- I don’t even sound gay! Sorry, ladies, I’m not ready for love right now and I’m not a millionaire, yet. Anyway, follow me at @cyborgjulien. I’m not on social media, ever, but that’s my Instagram. Everything I make is focused on decentralization and independence: giving people ownership back. I want software that can keep working without the company behind it. I take commissions at $150/hour, with queer business discounts and very low charity rates for queer people in dire need; put CHARITY in the subject. technosovereign builds bespoke websites, apps, audio tools and creative experiences. I aim to bring the same speed and efficiency I brought to cruush to my clients, along with independence from third-party providers. You own what I build for you outright and can self-host it. We offer in-house illustration and 3D modeling. I’m not a 3D modeler myself; I’m proficient in Adobe and write custom shaders and code animations. I can turn your vibe-coded prototype into real software or teach you how, set up automations, teach safer agent use, and organize documents and email/SMS marketing. Monthly hosting and admin support are available for a fee. Your project supports cruush. Contact julien@cruush.app.

Conventional jobs have been difficult for me to keep. Trying to change myself to fit what society considers normal was holding me back. Running my own studio gives me room to work in a way that makes use of my focus, imagination, and persistence.

Over nine months, I’ve worked roughly 60 hours a week and built three original products with about $10,000. My family provided that money by buying equity. There is zero venture capital involved.

I’m responsible for 99% of the code. cruush’s architecture is my own human-made design, including original mechanisms I haven’t seen on other social platforms. I’ve already identified three potential patent candidates in cruush. I lead the branding and visual design. I hired a graphic designer for our custom logo and icons, and drew some visuals myself in Figma. The visuals in cruush are made by human hands. My workdays usually run from noon to midnight, and often until 3 a.m. I get a notification every time a bug report comes in, which helps me respond quickly. I haven’t taken a weekend off in months. The person building this app is also the person paying attention when something goes wrong.

I have the support of two part-time developers. My cofounder researches small AI models and more efficient methods of training them in research labs. She is currently too busy with research and school to contribute, and we plan for her to return after graduation. The other developer is a cybersecurity expert who audits the app. Their contributions matter, and so does the faith my family put in me. I was told I couldn’t build cruush in under a year. My family believed I could. In nine months, I built it and two other original products.

I wasn’t going to wait for a large company to make the service I wanted for our community. The small, family-funded nature of this project lets me direct it around those needs. I make software I want to exist but cannot find.

I own the studio and work for myself. There is no employer who can fire me from this work.

What I’ve already built has changed how I see my own potential. Things that once seemed impossible have become products I can show people. I want to keep finding out what I can create when I stop trying to reshape myself around conventional expectations.

The value I bring is also my determination. When someone tells me I can’t build something, I keep working until I find a way. I’ve changed my sex and built three products in nine months on a budget people told me could not work. I’m confident in my ability to learn, invent, and carry ideas through. I want people investing in this studio to understand the persistence behind the software.

The three products

cruush is a queer social and cruising app for connecting with nearby people. I’ve built custom messaging, location privacy, automated moderation, and payment infrastructure around the community I want it to serve.

sovereignpay is the cryptocurrency payment processor I built for cruush, developed into a product for legal businesses that want to accept cryptocurrency directly into their own wallets without bank underwriting for card processing. Its software includes payment links, invoices, transaction tracking, and merchant-wallet payments.

HEKA started with a practical frustration: I didn’t want to keep paying for Copilot. I wanted an experience like Codex that could run with a local model. I built an original agent product around that goal, with persistent tasks, computer control, voice, and remote interfaces. You can use local models or your own API tokens without a HEKA subscription. The public release will focus on 24/7 GitHub issue-to-fix workflows, with each step reviewed using multiple models and up to 100 subagents.

HEKA and sovereignpay are built; their consumer releases are the next step.

I want to build an open-source accessibility agent from HEKA’s codebase for blind users. It would interpret screenshots with a small local model, describe what’s on screen, and use voice commands to navigate different interfaces without requiring special accessibility markup or a screen-reader integration.

My goal is to make more of the internet, apps and some games accessible, including interfaces that are difficult to use with conventional screen readers. I intend to develop and test these capabilities with blind users. The tool is still unnamed.

Published vendor guides offer context for conventional commissioned development, rather than quotes for these products:

These sources show that conventional custom-development budgets in these categories can reach six figures. They do not establish a million-dollar quote for cruush, an exact replacement cost for the three products, or a company valuation. A combined quote would also need to count shared cruush/sovereignpay technology once. Team size and elapsed time would depend on agreed requirements and delivery standards; the earlier contributor counts were planning scenarios, not measured industry averages.

Nine months is approximately 39 weeks. At 60 hours a week, that is about 2,340 hours of my work. The roughly $10,000 cash budget does not include a salary for that time.

What matters to me is that I’ve turned a small family investment and nine months of intensive work into things people can use, inspect, and help me develop further.

Labyrinths and Parties

I believe Labyrinths can become cruush’s defining feature. Grindr is known for its grid, and Sniffies for its map. I want people to think of cruush and think of Labyrinths.

Labyrinths are branching encounters where two people shape one shared story through their choices. The first version will be text-based. Players set private boundaries before entering and can leave at any time. I’m developing personalized stories shaped by approved profile details and preferences, with random matching, invitations to someone, and a private solo mode. Later, I want illustrated scenes.

The Grimoire is a further narrative direction: an ongoing weekly visual novel based on the lore of cruush. You would play as one of two characters drawn from a larger recurring cast, and explore two points of view of the same scene. Their stories would continue across weekly chapters, with different routes and endings. I’m working with an illustrator to develop this concept. This is the narrative and visual experience I want to develop alongside the personalized text Labyrinths.

The local coded prototype already demonstrates branching text, private limits, and turn progression. Social pairing and delivery are simulated in that preview. The broader personalized engine and continuing chapters are still in development.

Labyrinth entry and play modesLabyrinth private scene limits
Labyrinth branching text choicesLabyrinth shared scene and next actions
October 11 development prototype. Pairing and delivery are simulated. Click any screenshot for the full-size original.

We’re also working towards Parties: tools for members to host scheduled gatherings, set the audience, activities, and boundaries, and choose approval-based admission or open joining. The plan includes Visibility Controls specific to each gathering, privately released exact addresses, an optional attendee chat, a linked Feed listing, and clear cancellation and expiry. This member-hosted Parties system is still planned; the existing launch-event flow is a smaller starting point.

I want to fully open the app once Labyrinths, Parties, and end-to-end encryption are ready. After that, I want to add voice and video calls, both between individuals and in groups. I also plan a censored iOS version and an Android release, while keeping the main website uncensored for lawful adult content for as long as I can.

Privacy and ownership

My privacy principle: What happens in cruush, stays on cruush.

I will never sell cruush, even for a trillion dollars.

I’m its only administrator, and I keep database access under my own control. I’m the only person with full server access. My phone and fingerprint are part of how I protect that access. I work for myself; no employer can fire me from this work, and I won’t let a board push me out of cruush. I’m the only person I trust with this server. They’ll have to rip this key from my cold, dead hands. I self-host cruush with European-owned Hetzner; our current server is in Virginia. The European infrastructure I’m planning is part of my effort to protect the community and reduce dependence on American infrastructure. I don’t trust the future of this database to someone whose priorities might be different from mine.

I designed the database around making the collection of member information difficult. Sensitive content, including messages, is encrypted on the server. The current system still allows authorized server access for operation and moderation. We’re exploring end-to-end encryption as a further step toward the independence I want.

I will never sell your data or use it to train AI. That commitment is part of why cruush exists. I’ve already made decisions that put my values ahead of profit, and I intend to keep doing that for as long as I’m responsible for cruush.

The final goal is an off grid cruush

My final goal is a version of cruush that works without a central server or a company deciding whether we are allowed to connect.

I want queer people to have a way to find one another even when they cannot safely talk about it on the public internet at all. Where ordinary cruising services are blocked or inaccessible, I want there to be another option.

We’re exploring local communication through a network of nodes, including Meshtastic. Meshtastic uses compatible radio hardware to relay messages without conventional internet infrastructure. I want to connect that kind of network to devices running cruush, so nearby people could communicate during a blackout or when normal access is censored.

The network would still need powered devices and compatible links. The version I’m describing has to be developed and tested. I am committed to building this sovereign version within my lifetime. The goal is for it to keep working independently of me, any future operator, or a central server. Even if a future operator takes the main service in a direction I reject, I want the community to retain an independent version it can keep using. I want this technology to outlast its creator.

A spark in the dark. That is what I want cruush to become.

There is no hidden plan to sell the community out. I want to make better software because our community deserves a real choice.

What growth would make possible

I need capital to grow cruush to the scale our community needs. My plans include opening a European branch, arranging European payment processing, and accepting credit cards. Eventually, I want to build my own server in Europe and offer cruush.eu as an alternative server option running on European infrastructure. The goal is total sovereignty and control over our own infrastructure.

If you’re a European citizen interested in a partnership, contact julien@cruush.app. I need help setting up the European side of the business and arranging card payments. I want less dependence on American services and will explore alternatives to American bank underwriting that let cruush preserve its lawful adult content. A European business and processing route is the card-payment option I’m exploring. I’ll require ID checks and related access restrictions only where legally required. When that day comes, I’ll build verification in-house and use it to offer optional verified badges. I want to keep responsibility for members’ sensitive information under my own control. This system is still a development goal.

The direction is independence from American infrastructure, with more control over the systems our community relies on. These are steps I want to develop, alongside the longer-term serverless, off-grid version.

Navigation, local chat, and swingrs

Further down the line, I want navigation that helps people reach a cruising spot. I’m also exploring an area-limited private chat: only people inside a defined area could enter, and the shared chat would be designed to disappear when everyone leaves. That could become a separate, Signal-like application for secure local communication, with no cruising built into it. Complete removal of the shared chat is a design goal to develop and verify.

I also want to build swingrs, a couples-only product using the foundations I’ve created for cruush. A “hot/cold” navigation feature would aim to help consenting couples find one another on a cruise ship or in a hotel without publishing their precise room numbers. These are future products and features, not part of the three completed builds.

The person behind the app

While building these products, I’ve been living through a painful medical situation.

After revision surgery on my phalloplasty in August, I woke in complete shock when I saw my results. It was the most traumatic moment of my life. My doctors still haven’t explained to me what was actually done, and I still don’t understand my new anatomy. I did not consent to part of the procedure. I also received another implant: the previous one was too short, and this one is too long. I can’t use it at all. I’m furious and heartbroken. I hate how the results look, too. Other people tell me it’s not that bad, but it will always be ugly to me because I didn’t want it. I cannot top. I cannot have sex the way I actually want to. I’m living with pain around the clock and seeking another surgery in the hope of regaining sexual function. I’ll need further surgery to correct these issues, likely within three months. I need money set aside to support myself and keep cruush running during recovery.

I’ve heard from other patients who describe being harmed by the same doctor. I want to pursue a class-action lawsuit and am seeking legal advice about that possibility, alongside my own informed-consent and postoperative-care concerns. I’m keeping names private.

I haven’t been able to find another physician in my state willing to take on the reconstructive work I now need, so I’m facing returning to the same doctor. That makes this situation even harder.

There is a painful contrast in my life right now: I’m building something that helps other people find connection and have sex, while I cannot have sex the way I actually want to.

Working on cruush gives me peace during a time when I’m suffering so much. It gives me somewhere to put my attention and a future to work toward. I want to keep helping other people, and I’m asking for help getting the care I need to have that possibility in my own life again.

I would trade all the money in the world for my phalloplasty implant revision and clitoral burial procedure to have worked and created the more inconspicuous result I wanted, and for this pain to be gone. I have no desire for luxury. I want my dick to work. I want my body back and the freedom to cruise without being harassed.

I am cruush. Its design direction and almost all of its code come from my work. This is personal to me.

A local model for creative freedom

My AI-researcher cofounder and I also want to develop a small, local natural-language model for queer business owners and creative work: an alternative to Grok that people could run on their own devices without a central server. This would be a separate project from HEKA, with conversation and creative freedom as its focus. I want an uncensored model that belongs to its user.

I want to research training centered on human feedback and reinforcement learning in simulated environments, rather than harvesting queer people’s content. A smaller environmental footprint is one of my goals. These are research directions to investigate, not capabilities or environmental savings I’ve already demonstrated.

I expect this model project would require raising a few million dollars in dedicated research funding. That is my current estimate for a future project, separate from the care, legal, development, and IP costs I’m asking for help with now. I want to be here to see it built, and to keep making things that give people ownership back.

The community work I want to build next

I’m open to exploring nonprofit status. For now, I lean toward keeping the LLC because I believe a sustainable business could generate more resources to give back. I’m interested in exploring a future profit-sharing program that would return a portion of profits to every cruush member. I want the value created by our community to come back to the people who make it possible. This is an idea I want to develop as cruush becomes sustainable.

I want a queer app to pay queer people. I want our community to benefit from its own participation and keep more of its spending in queer hands. I want cruush to become a source of funds for community programs that are desperately needed.

I want to create a cruush grant program for queer startups in technology and nightlife. I want more people in our community to have the resources to build their own tools, businesses, and spaces.

I also want to develop a residential recovery program and halfway house in NYC specifically for trans and gender-nonconforming people recovering from chemsex addiction, with care designed around their needs.

I want our community to have somewhere safe to rebuild, with support that respects who people are. These are future projects I want to develop as the work becomes sustainable.

Investing in technosovereign

I have equity in technosovereign that I want to sell to help grow the studio. I see billion-dollar potential in what we’ve built: three original products, shared technology, and a founder who can carry ideas through to working software on a small budget. That is my assessment; I want to discuss valuation and terms openly with prospective investors. My commitment to never sell cruush remains part of that conversation.

Keeping this work going

My family funds development and basic survival, and owns equity in the studio. I don’t go out or spend on luxuries; most of my life is this work. I owe money to people who helped me and feel awful that I haven’t been able to repay them yet. I’m determined to repay them and give back to my family as quickly as possible.

I love building things. To me, this is the best job in the world. I’ve never been able to keep a conventional job for a year, but running my own studio shows what I can do when I’m sovereign. My autism and determination are part of how I turn things I was told were impossible into work I can show people. Funding is running out, and I need this story to reach more people soon so I can continue developing cruush full time. If I have to take another job, cruush will have zero full-time staff.

How to support me and the work

Donations through Cash App go directly to me as an individual, helping with surgery, legal expenses, cruush’s continued development, patents and trademarks for the products I’ve created, and repaying personal debts to people who helped me. I want to file three provisional patent applications as a first step toward full patent protection and register more trademarks for names used in the app. I need funds for filings and IP counsel to protect the work from copying and address legal risks that could force cruush offline.

For a personal donation, write DONATION in the Cash App payment note. If you’re paying for cruush+ through Cash App, including with a card funding option available to you there, put the email associated with your cruush account and the amount you want to purchase in the comment. For these manual Cash App purchases, you can use BTC or USD. I’ll apply your subscription directly on the server and add your completed order to your order history. Please label a subscription purchase as cruush+, so I can distinguish it from a donation.

If you want to help:

There is a story here: an independent founder building three original products on a small family investment while navigating constant pain, seeking accountability, and working toward a more independent way for our community to connect.

If my work or my story speaks to you, please help it reach someone else.

Julien