Help me recover and keep cruush running
Written by Julien Lenaz, lead developer of cruush.
Hello, it’s Julien. I’m cruush’s lead developer and a queer transgender man. I’m living with constant pain after surgery and need support for reconstructive care and recovery, while keeping cruush running.
If you can help, please donate to my GoFundMe or share it. My full story is there.
What happened
After revision surgery on my phalloplasty in August, I woke in shock at the results. It was the most traumatic moment of my life. My doctors still haven’t fully explained what was done, I don’t understand my new anatomy, and I did not consent to part of the procedure.
My previous implant was too short; this one is too long, and I can’t use it. I’m in pain around the clock. I cannot top or have sex the way I want to. I’m furious and heartbroken, both about the lost function and a result I never wanted.
I’m in New York and haven’t found another physician in the state willing to take on the reconstruction I need. At my postoperative appointment next week, I plan to schedule surgery with the same doctor to replace my pump implant with a semi-rigid rod. Facing that return makes this harder.
I don’t yet know whether the clitoral burial result can be corrected without removing erotic tissue. I want the more inconspicuous result I originally sought. I expect reconstructive surgery within three months and need money set aside to support myself through recovery.
I’ve also heard from other patients who describe being harmed by the same doctor. I’m seeking legal advice about a possible class-action lawsuit, alongside my own informed-consent and postoperative-care concerns. I’m keeping names private.
Why I keep building
There’s a painful contrast in building an app that helps people connect and have sex while I can’t have sex the way I want to. Working on cruush gives me peace, somewhere to put my attention, and a future to work toward.
I would trade all the money in the world for these procedures to have worked and for the pain to be gone. I don’t want luxury. I want my dick to work, my body back, and the freedom to cruise or use a men’s locker room and sauna without harassment.
How you can help
Donate to my GoFundMe if you can. Sharing it helps too.
You can also join cruush, tell your friends, and buy cruush+ time in the app. I’m the only developer currently building it. It’s bootstrapped and 100% family-funded, and it’s my full-time job and only source of income.
Your support helps me get through recovery and keep cruush running. It also gives me time to work on the next items on our development list: end-to-end encrypted messaging and a global IRC chat.
Julien